Life, Still a Lot, But Starting to Feel Better

So much of dealing with depression/anxiety periods in my life has been eventually getting to a point where I just realize that I need to do what I can, no matter how heavy and apathetic/overwhelmed by doing the thing I feel. Life is going to happen no matter what. And this is in no way saying that for anyone, including myself, should be constantly working. The well always needs to be refilled, which means we must have periods of rest and trying to find things to really enjoy/experience in life to fill up again so that we can continue on with our great works. 

Death is still very much taking a large part of my energy, the grief before it happens, and the waiting period. A lot of mental bandwidth is just kind of dedicated to death right now, and that's just part of life. So I'm doing what I can in little bits as I can. 

Currently, I'm studying Hor Che Apollo by Barbara Strozzi, I believe written in the late 17th century. So it's in that transition period between the Renaissance styles and early Baroque. If you know Monteverdi, her father and her hung out with him, so there's a lot of stuff that feels familiar, but I adore how she really uses the female voice because she herself has a female voice. 

So whilst I really want to create a Yuletide album eventually, I'm just going to be really easy on myself this year, and make what moves me in the moment. To give myself space and freedom, and let myself just gently and joyfully walk along my musical trail.

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